My Dad

Last Friday, my dad passed away after a 5 month battle with liver cancer. While I don't know if I'll ever truly get over losing him, I do know that I have two wonderful sisters who will help me carry on his legacy. After losing our mom in September, these have not been the easiest times for us. Please keep my sisters and I in your thoughts as we attempt to resume some of the normalcy that has been missing from our lives since July. I want to thank all of the people who have offered amazing support with everything ranging from a kind word to a hot meal. I would be remiss if I didn't specifically mention my cousins the Askins who, while dealing with their own loss, have given so much to make everything a bit easier.

The following is the eulogy that I delivered at my dad's funeral yesterday. I hope it captures a little bit of what this wonderful man was like. 

I love you dad.

“Do me a favor…”

If you ever met Frank McCaughey, you probably heard him use this simple, four-word phrase. He said it so much that he actually had it inscribed on a nameplate in his office. During my grade school years when winter vacation would find me at Dad’s office, I would read this placard over and over again yet not quite understand it. Everyone that I had ever met had nothing but nice things to say about our dad, yet here he was constantly asking people for favors. How did he do it? Our father was able to get away with this  barrage of personal requests because he was so giving of himself to others. Anyone who he asked for a favor knew that if they ever needed something, he would be right there to help. Perhaps he even did you a favor: took you on a personal tour of New York City, brought a cheesecake from Whitestone for the holidays or a safely delivered you to JFK for a flight.

Frank McCaughey left Ireland 4 weeks short of his 17^th birthday. At an age when most teens are only beginning to think about their future, our dad was on a ship, sailing to his. In true “American Dream” form, our dad went from flipping burgers at White Castle to bank vice president and among the most respected men in his field. He managed all of this while juggling the two Seamus’s in the early years (you just know he was the sensible one) and a wife and three children in later years. Despite his success in America, our dad never forgot where he came from: Clones (and if you need any proof of his memory, just look at my license plate). My father was a proud Irishman and despite the obstacles of distance and time, he stayed close with his brothers and sisters and got to know many of his Irish nieces and nephews extremely well. It was important to him that my sisters and I keep that Irish connection strong and we’re proud to know that he was able to see how close we are with our family from so far away.

He had an amazing partner in our mother for 43 years. Their love, dedication, and commitment to each other, was evident in their everyday lives.  My sisters and I had their marriage as model for us to follow as we all began our own families. They travelled the world together and enjoyed the wonderful, close family that they created including their grandchildren, who all benefited from the love of their Papa in the form of munchkins, tractor rides and lessons on feeding the birds. When our mother was in the hospital over the summer, he never wanted to leave her bedside wanting to give her comfort and likely taking comfort in the time he was spending with her. There’s a part of me that knows that he left us so quickly because he just couldn’t stand being here without her.

He was a wonderful father for me, Mary and Anne. There was nothing we ever wanted for and we grew up secure in the knowledge that he would always be there for us. His strong work ethic and family values have influenced as all, and we know our Dad helped shaped the people we are today.

Over the last few months, our father was faced with hardships not known to many. He lost his wife Maureen and his best friend Seamus, while also fighting his own illness. Although his burden was heavy, he carried it with a faith in God that drove his strength and courage. These qualities revealed the person that he was, as well as the one we wish our children to be.

For now, we say goodbye but we know that it isn’t forever. While things have not been easy on our family, we can take solace in the fact that our father is now at peace, back with his dear Maureen and all who went before him. Although he isn’t with us physically we know that he will never be far away, watching over us and protecting us…….while also fixing St. Peter’s Gate with Seamus Askin.

So, in closing I ask you to do me a few favors: remember our dad and the life he lived. Just as he did, love your family, have faith in God, celebrate your past and take care of one another While mourning his death, also remember that his was a life well-lived and we are all better for knowing him.