Wanting to be better/Scared to fail

I tweeted the following tonight: (cheap plug to follow me @FJM718)

"I'm so impressed with the quality of teachers that I encounter on Twitter. I'm also worried and sad that I might not ever reach that level"

Over the past two nights I have spent time exploring the tweets, blogs and websites of different social studies teachers around the country; the experience has left me torn.

On one hand I am inspired when I see the work that others are doing. Student blogging, the use of digital media and the use of student centered learning are not only things that I want to do in my class but practices that I see as being keys to student learning in the 21st century. Reading about the amazing work my colleagues are doing makes me want to be a better teacher.

That's when I move from inspired to worried.

Can I be the teacher that I want to be? I tell my students everyday that putting the work and effort into any venture in life can lead to success, but here I am wondering if I can become a better teacher the same way that my students wonder if they can be better students. There are many days throughout the year in which I struggle with the management of my class, the rigor of my curriculum and the overall classroom experience of my students. Part of me knows that making some of the aforementioned changes would have an impact on some of my weaknesses as a teacher, but both making the leap to change and more importantly finding the time to develop and institute these changes leaves me stuck.

Now let me be clear, I don't think that I'm a bad teacher. I've worked with amazing coaches, mentors and administrators who have shared with me that I'm good at what I do. I'm at the start of my fourth year in the classroom and I've already become the chair of my department, possibly too soon, but I also believe that I've established myself as a leader on a relatively young, oft-changing staff; I'm on the right track but will I get to my destination?

So here I am.

I know that growth and knowledge come with years in the classroom, but there's still that part of me that worries I might not become the teacher I want to be. I guess the only way to find out to learn more, teach more, reflect and grow.

Luckily I get that chance tomorrow morning.