Coordinated Randomness

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As things at school have quieted down with the departure of students and the completion of student history panels, I have had more time to do some cleaning of my room and planning for next year. Accompanying this work has been a "shuffle" of all the music in my iTunes library. Since I can only fit about 10% of this music on my phone, I have been re-introduced to music that brings me back to different times in my life. Today, the Irish musician Phil Coulter consistently popped up, despite the songs being set on shuffle. While my love for Irish music is well known and has become one of the defining features of both my musical taste and overall person, it might seem a bit strange to have instrumental music categorized as "New Age" in my library. Like many things in my life, the answer traces back to my dad.

My dad had a penchant for this genre of music as was evident in his overabundance of Yanni and John Tesh CDs, but his favorite was Phil Coulter. The cassette tapes of the 80s and CD's of the '90s were permanent fixtures in my life as well as the lives of my mother and sisters. The music was the soundtrack to every car ride (long or short) and holiday of my youth and young adulthood.  I know these songs inside and out. Each beat, key and note is ingrained in me and brings me back to different times in my life. When I hear them I can see a burning fire in our living room on Christmas Eve; I can hear the clink of a glass from the mixing of a scotch and soda and the sounds of grandchildren that filled our home in the later years. When I hear these songs I can think of my dad and my family as it once was. These emotions are overwhelming at times and while the prevailing one is sadness, I remind myself that if it makes me sad it is only because what is past was so happy.

The bittersweet is that all of this music is on my computer because I put them on an iPod I purchased for him back when he got sick. In an attempt to normalize a time that was a bit mad (to say the least) I wanted to give my dad something to listen to during his treatment, and what better than the soundtrack to many of our times together as a family. Now, they will forever live both in my mind as well as on my computer. The memories of lost loved ones have funny ways of sneaking up on you. They come with a coordinated randomness that make you question just how random they are. I have come to appreciate these memories and the brief tear but longer smile that accompany them.